…but when I do, google.com/anal doesn’t do what I wanted it to….

Always a treat….

False!

While tracking a package via UPS….

"PACKAGE TRANSFERRED TO LOCAL POST OFFICE."

Which means there’s about a 30% chance I’ll never see it and a 100% chance that if I do, it will be at least two weeks from now. UPS said it would be here tomorrow.. I’ll keep you updated.

  • Wife: I love you.
  • Me: uh yeah? How much?
  • Wife: 3/2. That's like 133%.
  • Me: .........
  • Wife: What!? That's corre-
  • Me: Nope.